


karkat what the fuck dude

by hamifihekrix



Category: Homestuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 10:29:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21196193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamifihekrix/pseuds/hamifihekrix





	karkat what the fuck dude

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you're just trying to enjoy your lunch.

Some people would argue that what you're eating doesn't count as lunch. With all respect to whoever that dumbass is, you strongly fucking disagree.

Who's ever said a packet of hot Cheetos couldn't be a meal? You've sure never heard that bullshit before.

And sure, maybe your eating method is a little bit unconventional. That doesn't mean you deserve to be screamed at, in your eyes at least.

But here we fucking are, you guess.

KARKAT: DIRK YOU CAN'T FUCKING USE CHOPSTICKS FOR CHEETOS  
KARKAT: NOT ONLY IS IT UN FUCKING ETHICAL BUT IT'S NOT PRACTICAL AT ALL WHATSOEVER  
KARKAT: I MEAN COME THE FUCK ON, YOU'VE BEEN SAT THERE FOR TEN FUCKING MINUTES TRYING TO GET ONE IN YOUR MOUTH AND IT KEEPS FALLING OFF.  
KARKAT: JUST USE YOUR FUCKING HANDS ASSWIPE!!!  
DIRK: If I "can't fucking use" these, then why am I already in the motion of doing just that.  
DIRK: You know, Karkat? I think you let your emotions get to you too much sometimes.  
KARKAT: DON'T FUCKING DERAIL THE CONVERSATION FUCKFACE!!  
KARKAT: IF I WERE TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT MY EMOTIONS IT SURE WOULDN'T BE AN EMOTIONALLY DEAD GAY DUDE WHO EATS CHEETOS WITH *FUCKING CHOPSTICKS*!!!!  
DIRK: Using gay as an insult is uncool, bro.  
KARKAT: I LITERALLY HAVE A BOYFRIEND.  
KARKAT: AND I SAID STOP DERAILING THE FUCKING CONVERSATION.  
KARKAT: I WILL SAY IT AS MANY FUCKING TIMES AS I HAVE TO UNTIL IT DRILLS ITSELF INTO YOUR THICK THINKPAN  
KARKAT: CHOPSTICKS  
KARKAT: AREN'T  
KARKAT: MADE  
KARKAT: TO EAT  
KARKAT: FUCKING!!  
KARKAT: CHEETOS!!!!!!!  
KARKAT: IS THAT ME MAKING IT CRYSTAL FUCKING CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?? CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORD DRAWL SPEWING OUT FROM MY MOUTH???  
DIRK: Just because I can understand what you're saying doesn't mean your points are valid, Karkat.  
DIRK: Actually, if I were to put thought into the matter, I would come out with the conclusion that you're actually invalid.  
DIRK: Let me eat alone in peace.  
KARKAT: YOU CALL THAT EATING??? I CALL THAT PATHETIC.  
KARKAT: IT'S FUCKING PATHETIC AND I CAN'T TAKE MY FUCKING EYES OFF YOU  
DAVE: did i hear that right karkles  
DAVE: katkat  
DAVE: kitkat  
DAVE: karkalicious  
KARKAT: JEGUS SHIT DAVE  
KARKAT: WE TALKED ABOUT THIS, YOU CAN'T JUST KEEP POPPING UP OUT OF NOWHERE.  
KARKAT: I'M TOO JUMPY  
KARKAT: ONE DAY YOU'LL POP UP BEHIND ME AND I'LL FUCKING KARATE YOUR NOSE OFF.  
DAVE: wait do trolls have karate why was i not aware of this immediantly  
DAVE: whatever well revisit that one  
DAVE: back to my question  
DAVE: maybe my hearings just playing up because surely i cant be hearing you right  
DAVE: karkat are you being  
DAVE: god i cant even fucking say it  
DAVE: are you being culturally insensitive  
KARKAT: CULTURALLY WHAT??  
DAVE: you know  
DAVE: culturally insensitive  
DAVE: jesus did alternia not have cultural insensitivity  
KARKAT: FROM THE SOUNDS OF IT, FUCK NO  
KARKAT: UNLIKE YOU EARTH PEOPLE, ALTERNIA WASN'T FILLED WITH A BUNCH OF PISSBABIES WHO CARE ABOUT THINGS  
DAVE: not only is that fucking sad as shit but also you cant say that  
DAVE: shit like thats problematic dog  
KARKAT: THESE ARE ALL HUMAN CONCEPTS THAT HAVE NO ACTUAL FUCKING SIGNIFICANCE TO ME.  
KARKAT: LISTEN TO ME, DAVE  
KARKAT: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUSLY FUCKING DEFENDING DIRK HERE.  
DAVE: arent you dabbling in earth concepts by being all fuckin salty over this  
KARKAT: WHAT?? NO?????  
KARKAT: THE FUCKING DISGUST I AM FEELING FROM SEEING THIS SIGHT IS AS UNIVERSAL AS MY NOOK IS DEEP  
DAVE: thanks for that graphic babe  
KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP.  
DIRK: Can I defend myself here?  
KARKAT: I WOULD SAY NO BUT YOU'LL PROBABLY IGNORE ME ANYWAY SO GO THE FUCK AHEAD, I GUESS.  
DIRK: What if the you were the one eating Cheetos wrong?  
KARKAT: THAT'S NOT AN ARGUEMENT, THAT'S JUST FACTLESS INFORMATION.  
KARKAT: IF YOU'RE GOING TO START PULLING SHIT OUT OF YOUR ASS, AT LEAST MAKE IT SOMEWHAT SOUND LIKE AN ARGUMENT, THE VERY THING YOU FUCKING ASKED TO GIVE.  
DIRK: I think, as a god, I have the fundemental right to eat my Cheetos however the fuck I want.  
DAVE: hes got a point there karkat  
KARKAT: WHAT NO HE DOESN'T??  
DIRK: I think, to be frank, you're just a little bit jealous, Karkat.  
DIRK: Just because you could never reach godtier doesn't mean you have to take it out on those of us who did.  
KARKAT: FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT FUCKING JEALOUS.  
KARKAT: SECOND OF ALL, YOUR GODTIER HAPPENED ON ACCIDENT AND IS CONSIDERABLY WEAKER THAN JUST NOT GETTING ONE.  
KARKAT: THIRDLY, IF YOU THINK THIS IS ME "TAKING IT OUT ON YOU", YOU SHOULD SEE ME WHEN I'M ACTUALLY DEBATING SOMETHING I FUCKING CARE ABOUT.  
DIRK: You're sounding suspiciously defensive for someone who's, apparently, not jealous.  
DIRK: But hey, maybe that's just a coincidence. A pure fucking coincidence, wouldn't that be funny?  
KARKAT: REAL FUCKING HILARIOUS.  
KARKAT: ON AN UNRELATED NOTE, TAKE BACK THAT COMMENT ABOUT ME NOT REACHING GODTIER BEFORE I THROTTLE YOU  
KARKAT: I'M SURE SBURB WOULD CLASS IT AS "JUST" CONSIDERING THE FUCKING MONSTER THAT YOU ARE!!

The last thing you see after not taking it back is Karkat's hands reaching towards your throat in a way you can swear you've seen online somewhere.


End file.
